The April Batch


This is the class of April '19. In it you'll find poems about things such as superheroes, stickiness, sexuality, and sycling. Sorry, cycling. That brilliant piece of alliteration is just the tip of the iceberg. Or maybe it's the entire ice cube. Keep reading to find out, if you don’t mind.

For reasons explained that I must have explained in the previous collections, there are 10 of these poems, and they’re in no particular order. They are numbered though, which is a bit confusing.

1
'Wow look at that!
Three pens
One for each hand!'
He didn't have three hands
'And a spare'

What's all this then? A poem about greed? Capitalism? Consumerism? As if I even know what those words mean. It's a poem about a guy with more pens than he has hands.

2
A woman discovered her man pumping away vigorously
Nothing could stop him now
She observed the rather unimpressive show
Arms crossed, standing in the doorway
"Don't worry" he said "we'll go for a ride soon"

3
Some guy thought he'd make a good cowboy.
He got in touch with the local gang.
This was before he remembered being terrified of horses.
He wasn't fond of shooting people either.
And he thought he looked bad in a hat.
He really started to regret the decision.

I rode a horse once. More than once in fact, at the very least twice. I'm not sure I get the appeal of horse riding. I now begin to wonder if there's anything larger than me I like. Trees? Those guys are sticks in the mud. Maybe I'm a sizeist. What a way to find out, right in the middle of a poetry collection.

4
A sticky woman spent her nights sitting in corners.
Mucking about making a mess.
Filling the room with horror as she awaited sustenance.
A cleaner would arrive and have to scoop up her filth.
Tomorrow she'd do it all again.
The duster was a disgrace.

5
Two old women
Stand beneath a tree
Talking to each other
They say nothing worth repeating

Like any worthwhile poet, sometimes I'll sit back and observe life, cataloguing events for future generations. This is but one such interaction I've caught.

6
The forklift operator loved his job so much
Sometimes he would put boxes in the wrong place just so he could lift them again
This irritated his boss but she couldn't bring herself to fire him
He had such a joyous expression on his face

Humans can, at times, be incredibly inefficient. What a nightmare.

7
Our eyes
See things
Because our hearts
Couldn't cope

This sort of thing really makes you think, doesn’t it? It’s entirely possible I spent too much time scrolling through Instagram prior to writing this one.

8
'What the hell is that'
A man bellows
Perturbed by what can be seen

A mystery for the ages.

9
He tried to squeeze through the gap.
He forgot all about his bones.
He was never going to get through with those in the way.

10
Batman forgot where he parked his Batmobile.
Two-Face was getting away!
Robin wouldn't stop complaining.
Batman had promised him ice cream,
After they caught Two-Face.

Have you ever parked in a giant car park and managed to forget where you left your car? I haven’t. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s hilarious every single time it happens in your favourite cartoon, film, or television show. Turns out it happens in poetry too, but to the likes of Batman and Robin.

That's April 2019 handled, onwards we go. But hey, while you're here, why not go and read the March collection? There's a story throughout it, which makes the whole thing enthralling.

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