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Showing posts from April, 2019

Outlaw

Some guy thought he'd make a good cowboy. He got in touch with the local gang. This was before he remembered being terrified of horses. He wasn't fond of shooting people either. And he thought he looked bad in a hat. He really started to regret the decision.

Boris

Boris Johnson

Ruffled his hair

Before appearing on television

Twos: Speed

Fast car

Goes zoom

Wall

Standing on the Great Wall of China

A poet surveys its surroundings

Scouting for inspiration

There are a lot of people around

It's very distracting

Swim

A man was sick to death of noodles

It's all his partner would make

'Shove your noodles up your arse' he shouted at the young girl

He swerved and continued on

Spitting out the water that went in his mouth

Her mother was unimpressed

Eyeballs

Our eyes
See things
Because our hearts
Couldn't cope

Shins

A man gazes upon his shins

He's rather fond of them

What a lovely pair

They make for nice connectors too

Between the ankles and the knees

Yes life would be a bit of a drag

For a man without his shins

Delicious

Trailer filled with food

To keep us alive

Attached to a truck

Destroying the world

Boats

Boats bob in the water

Reflections of boats can be seen in the water

A person stands on one of the boats bobbing in the water

They vomit over the side of the boat bobbing in the water

The vomit floats away from the boat in the water

Easter

God turns up the heat

To melt the chocolate

That blocks the cave

In which Jesus resides

Chocolate coated feet

People bow to eat

Because they're way into

That sort of thing

Twos: Duck

Duck swims

Goes quack

Escape

Batman forgot where he parked his Batmobile.
Two-Face was getting away!
Robin wouldn't stop complaining.
Batman had promised him ice cream,
After they caught Two-Face.

Pens

'Wow look at that!
Three pens
One for each hand!'
He didn't have three hands
'And a spare'

Corner

A sticky woman spent her nights sitting in corners.
Mucking about making a mess.
Filling the room with horror as she awaited sustenance.
A cleaner would arrive and have to scoop up her filth.
Tomorrow she'd do it all again.
The duster was a disgrace.

Word

'What's that?'

He spotted a magnifying glass on the desk

'I really shouldn't

These letters are large enough already'

He wasn't sure he could handle them any bigger

His lips cracked into a smile

He recalled the time he clicked things while word processing and had to call his grandson over to fix it

Finger

He was going to cook dinner for his wife

Hoping to slip in a finger

Just the little one though

He didn't use it very often so he thought it would be OK

He was excited to see his wife's reaction when he told her what she just ate

Century

One hundred poems in one hundred days

That seems like cause for a celebration

For it is so many days

And so many poems

And the person who wrote them must be brilliant

But how should one celebrate

With a poem of course

Otherwise it wouldn't be

One hundred poems in one hundred days

Forklift

The forklift operator loved his job so much
Sometimes he would put boxes in the wrong place just so he could lift them again
This irritated his boss but she couldn't bring herself to fire him
He had such a joyous expression on his face

Bones

He tried to squeeze through the gap.
He forgot all about his bones.
He was never going to get through with those in the way.

Old

Two old women

Stand beneath a tree

Talking to each other

They say nothing worth repeating

Twos: Sun

Bright Sun

Lights world

Deflated

A woman discovered her man pumping away vigorously
Nothing could stop him now
She observed the rather unimpressive show
Arms crossed, standing in the doorway
"Don't worry" he said "we'll go for a ride soon"

Shout

'What the hell is that'
A man bellows
Perturbed by what can be seen

Peep

Jack stands pressed against the large office window

He's peeping at the local birds again

'Put those away!' cries his boss as he entered the office

Startled, Jack quickly pouches his pair and slinks back to work

Slip

'Whoops!' he said as he slipped over the edge

'I hope nobody thinks I wanted to kill myself' he thought

He tried his best to enjoy the ride

Gay

Two men looked at each other
They were both gay
Which was a bit of a relief
But they hated each other
So they went their separate ways

Confidence

I think we'd be alright, you and I
I may not be as great as all the other guys
But I'm okay, right?
We should probably spend more time together
I mean maybe, if you want to
You never know, it might even last forever
Or just a week, that's okay I guess
It wouldn't be ideal though
Because I think you're pretty nice
And I like to think I would suffice
That's up to you really, isn't it?
But if we stayed together, walking hand in hand
Maybe we'd smile at each other
Feeling the universe had it all planned
Or not. Whatever, I suppose

Coat

He decided to wear his coat inside out

He had always been curious what it felt like for the air around him

It wasn't very comfortable

He tried to breathe less for the rest of the day to apologise

It didn't go spectacularly

Twos: Meal

Quick cat

Fat rat

Party

I know a bit of Latin

It helps me be a twat in

Here with all of you at this

Party I wish I could miss

But I couldn't so now I'm

Sitting here writing this rhyme

And as it nears the finish

Reasons to stay diminish

It is time to say goodbye

Thank you for the apple pie

Which did not really exist

That's an interesting twist