Showing posts from January, 2024


Joe got a role on television.
Sure, he had to stab someone for it.
Several times, really.
Confirming they were properly dead.
But there he was,
On the TV.
It was hard no to be proud of the guy.

Moving Out

Adam moved out of the family home,
And into his very own flat!
With housemates.
So not quite his own.
'What the hell is that?!'
He ejaculated,
Pointing firmly in the direction of a mysterious object.
'A washing machine'
Replied Daisy.


Molly tried out one of those power naps.
If that's still what people are calling them.
When she woke up she realised it was tomorrow,
And that some explaining would need to be done.


Julie glared at her layered bread.
Fondled it morosely
Regretting being forgetful.

A Poem about a Storm

There was a storm.
Ethel equipped an oversized cagoule and went to put the bins out.
The wind caught her.
Picked her up and carried her all the way to Devon,
Where she had to set up residence because the train tickets home were too expensive.
It's worth noting that prior to this Ethel lived in King's Lynn.
She found her predicament particularly surprising because she had moved against the prevailing winds of the country.
But she didn't really understand storms so maybe it made sense.


Harrison tried to peel his orange.
But the skin came off in tiny chunks.
And left lots of pith behind.
Harrison was angry.
He threw his orange.


The floor was cold.
Icy cold.
The floor was icy,
With ice.
Mark slipped on it.
He laughed through the pain,
To prevent onlookers thinking he was embarrassed.


Liam ate cherries.
He hated them.
He knew something about red dye too.
He wasn't sure what,
But he knew not to trust cherries.
The only real satisfaction he was getting,
Was knowing Angela wouldn't be eating them when she got home.


Brian sat in his big comfy chair,
Still thinking about the day.
The walk through the crowd of people.
He couldn't believe it.
Had he really done that?
So many people.
All of them different.
Yes, yes was the answer.
Brian smiled to himself.
He reached for his phone.
It wasn't there.
Checked his coat pockets.
Not there either.


Brian recalls going for a walk,
Through a crowd of people.
Finding it thrilling,
And going home.


The Finkster,
As he was known to his friends,
Parked his car.
He waited for women to pass,
And would point at it,
And say things like
'Nice car, eh?'


Wilson jumped out of his skin.
It was horrible.
He didn't want to be a skeleton.
He called the NHS and asked if they could stitch him back in,
And how he should store his flesh in the meantime.


A few incredibly rich people,
With incredibly powerful jobs,
Like Prime Minister and that sort of thing,
Had to spend a few minutes of their day,
Because of a programme on television,
Pretending to care about poor people.
They were sad about this.

Box of Chocolates

Trevor offered his wife a box of chocolates,
By way of an apology.
There was a note too,
Something along the lines of,
'See, if I thought you were fat,
Would I have bought these?'
Which didn't do much to improve matters.


Despite his name,
Eugene got into fighting.
Brawling in the streets.
He really enjoyed it,
Punching people.
Weak people mostly,
Because the outcome was more predictable.


Trevor acquired (bought) a slingshot.
He loaded the contraption with nuts,
And started taking pot shots at his wife's face.
'You love nuts!' he insisted,
Whenever she got upset enough to complain about another delivery.

South Pole

I went in a mission to the South Pole.
My plans were grand.
There were records in my view,
That sort of thing.
But it started raining,
And I had forgot my coat,
So I went back home.


Theodore went to the forest.
He got lost due to a lack of road signs,
And also poor planning in general.
He had to start living there.
Thankfully he'd brought along a gnome costume,
So he fit in quite well,
And enjoyed playing the role,
Which eased the stress.


After a long holiday,
Jasper headed back to the office,
Which was conveniently placed right next to his bed.
He set to work on the email backlog,
And informed management he'd be occupied with this task for the next several days.