Poet Authority Poem Terminal

Mike tripped over a pumpkin,

And fell into some cobwebs,

And cracked his head on a tombstone.

He sat up and saw a green woman cackling in the distance.

Unbelievable.

Loving what he saw.

The hair, the face, the lot.

He peeled it off the wall.

Headed down to the registry office.

Asked what was needed to get this done.

A witch tried to ease her workload,

By publishing an ad in the local paper.

A polite request for things like eyeballs and fingers,

The necessities, really.

Feedback from the local community was horrendous.

She was relieved she left out the part about children.

He bought a flat cap,

Slapped his cheeks,

And practised his glum look.

Susan loaded her toilet with tissue.

Crossed her fingers,

And worked the flush.

She pleaded for the water to rise up,

To flow beyond the seat bit.

I told them they weren't welcome here anymore.

That they had to leave immediately.

In fact the opening line is now inaccurate.

That was pretty much all it would say, really.

Its owner hated that it could talk.

He was sick of buying sausages.

He wanted one of those traditional dogs.

The kind that would just sit there and look loyal.

(The iconic Spider-Man villain)

The stuff got everywhere.

Children ran outside with their buckets and spades and got to work.

Sandman was furious with the lack of respect.

He wasn't at all interested in their stupid little castles.

He needed to be taken seriously.

Had a pop at his neighbour.

He missed!

This led to an awkward conversation,

In which he requested his bolt back.

The pirate captain winked.

Or blinked.

It was hard to tell.

The rest of the crew were hesitant in how to deal with the ongoing situation.

Who had already fallen in love with Peter.

Alan tried to rectify this mistake.

He pulled out a notebook.

Drafted a list of Peter's flaws.

Began reciting them to Daisy.

Knocked their thermostat down a few degrees.

Tried to mask his displeasure at their use of his inheritance.

Which isn't a name I enjoy typing very much.

Had a quick look round.

Things were sparse.

I was starting to think the name might be all I get out of this trip.

Pondered Taylor

Currently perched on a toilet.

She had a headache,

She wanted to get out.

Occasionally glancing up to check for police.

Locomotion hampered by a tight leather dress.

Found herself a man named Dave, I expect.

Hauled him home and went to shed.

Trapped like a fish in a trawler net.

Weeping in the bathroom desperate for her sex.

They began to throttle down.

Informed passengers the engines had died.

The pilots laughed and cheered and let off party poppers in the cockpit.

They kissed and hugged for a while too.

Eventually got back on their radio thing and informed the passengers of the jape.

Some of whom had since died in anticipation.

She learned how to fold herself into a neat parcel.

Packed herself into an envelope.

And shipped herself off to an attractive man in Australia.

And another man.

Struggled with a seesaw.

Cathy watched her husband disrobe.

Peeling layers from his flesh,

Like a clementine.

Down to the t-shirt.

He was interrupted.

She insisted the Batman print stay on.

David fell in love,

With his automobile.

He slid a wedding ring

Off his wife's finger as she slept,

And hooked it over the indicator stalk (if that's what it's called).