Showing posts from October, 2019


Casper threw a bed sheet over his head and cut some eye holes in it and drew on a scary mouth with felt tips.
He smashed on old Betsy's door and demanded a Twix.
She only had the singles.
He insisted on taking a second to create a full Twix package.
"It's called a Twix you know, not a Onex"
Casper was very pleased with himself.
He swished between doors and repeated the process for a variety of inadequately sized chocolate bars.
The rest of the night passed with him ooOOooing around and generally mucking about throwing bricks at windows and things of that sort.


The birthday boy sat in his silk pyjamas.
He awaited the arrival of his friend, who happened to be a caterpillar.
The caterpillar trundled very slowly, as caterpillars tend to do.
When it finally arrived he gulped it down and pretended he was David Cameron.
Everyone hated David Cameron.


Keith hammered away on his drums.
He'd never had lessons.
Didn’t see the need.
He bathed in the knowledge that the loud thudding irritated housemates and neighbours.


He peered through his ghostly eyelids down his crusty nose and sagging chin.
Over his bulging stomach and his legs and his tiny feet.
It was a difficult position to maintain if he was being honest.
His legs quavered as he produced a toothless thin-lipped smirk.


Adam peeled his heart from his chest and bared it to Meg.
It beats and beats and beats again more slowly.
She called an ambulance.
Ultimately Adam came to appreciate the interruption.


The concrete sphere atop the plinth confused David Beckham

It shattered his legs repeatedly


"That's the point Florence!"
Her husband was shouting from across the way.
The spear was very long indeed.


Maude’s dirt brown eyes attracted him.
Her curly hair ensnared him.
He couldn't escape.
When he tried the tangles just got worse.


His neck extends beyond what's typically considered acceptable

He found the top shelf to be a very appealing prospect

It grew even more

He plucked material from up high and began chewing


Nicholas grasped Lynn’s hand firmly.
He squeezed it ever tighter.
Strived to pass along a message.
The bones in her hand creaked and ached.
What he really wanted to be doing was holding her arse.
But he wouldn't like to admit that out loud.


His fingers pecked across the keyboard with firm hard stabs

She observed from a cubicle across the way

He could feel her eyes burning through his skull as she swivelled in an office chair

She fiddled with her pen

She was thinking

She was leaking


Christopher wrapped himself in tinsel.
He wrapped himself in fairy lights.
He smiled as he thought about christmas.
He was going to have presents at his feet.
And ornaments on his fingers.


"I love you"

He said with his fist planted firmly up the other man's sleeve

The man's head rotates as his lips flap a muted response

"I love you too"


After lengthy contemplation he took up badminton

He was really good at it and never lost a game

He had no friends to play with

A lot of his time was spent collecting shuttlecocks


A man went to the Natural History Museum.
He gawked at the animals on display.
Did his best impressions of them to nearby grown-ups.
They scuttled the children away as he beat his chest.
Unleashed mighty roars.
And hopped around flapping his arms producing haunting squawks.
He seemed to be doing a very good job with his impressions.


A wandering salesman bought himself a goat

"I think I got that backwards, eh goaty?" the goat did not respond

"Never mind that, I'll just sell you in the next town" the goat continued walking

His conscience was heavy with inconsiderate words he'd uttered to goaty

Grain! That'll make goaty feel better

In the next village the salesman bought some grain

"Got it wrong again, eh goaty?"

The travelling salesman packed it all in

He clearly wasn't cut out for this line of work

Leaning back on romantically scattered rocks he smiled as goaty chewed and tugged his corduroy legs


Gideon's mouth oozed over the pillow as he slept in freedom

The tooth fairy flapped through the window and smashed into Gideon's wind chimes

Gideon remained silent as she fondled his pillow

Aghast at the remnants of teeth she turned to leave

Gideon leapt from his bed and began pursuit

His member fluttered and his angered words were too gummy to understand

He pawed the air bouncing from wall to wall but the tooth fairy was swift

Gideon stumbled into his bookshelf

He fell to the floor and was buried beneath his tumbling action figures


Gideon was shouting so violently his teeth kept clacking together.
They shattered into hundreds of pieces.
He scooped them up and handed them to his mother
Spluttered bloody demands of five hundred pounds from the tooth fairy.
He sat down and sucked yoghurt through his gums.


Mike got himself a pet chimpanzee.
It swung on the curtains
Threw pillows about carelessly
And generally made a mess of things.
Mike was regretting the decision.
But thought it best to keep his distance.


His lengthy tongue shuttled wine from the container

Mopping it into his gaping chasm of a mouth

He found the fancy wine beakers a challenge

His clumsy hams couldn't work out what to do with them

The other guests looked on

Spooning baked beans between their pinstripe lips

Trying to pick up the wifi with protruding fingers


He shrugged his shoulders

His arms disappeared!

He was quite upset about it

His expression didn't flinch

He was desperate to maintain his display of apathy


He swished the cape over his shoulders

And tried to pose very heroically indeed

The cape was shorter than he'd hoped

It produced an unflattering picture from the rear

It fluttered against his buttocks


Sally reconnected her eyes.
Then turned to look at him.
His visage curled and wrinkled.
He enjoyed the attention.
His lad tingled.
It launched him from the bed.


He pancakes over as his pyjamas twist uncomfortably around his pudgy carcass

"Let's have some dirty thoughts"

The suggestion appeals

"Oh go on then"

They stretch back until their heads knock dust from the musty sponge filled headboard

"A pig mucking about the pen on a sodden afternoon"

"Oh you filthy devil"

She reaches over tugging the television remote from beneath his buttock and turns on Diagnosis Murder


The banker spots a shiny coin glinting on the counter

His eyes shift right and then left and then right again

It scuttles to his pocket and thuds to the bottom

The grin suggests he looks forward to a free meal deal at the end of the week


The men were playing catch

They were all doing it quite well

Some men were better at catching than others

Lots of people clapped as the men caught the ball

They liked to run about too

That really mustered the flock


He adds himself to the pile of big meaty men

His telescopic arms embrace them all

He wants the egg

"Gimme the egg!"

"Gimme the egg mate!"

More big men arrive to extract it from the pile

Beautiful hands carry the egg away

His toothy mouth grinds as the egg disappears and he tugs off some shorts as revenge

He sucks up his tears and observes as the egg gets chucked about

They're spreading it everywhere

The egg gets walloped it into the ground and his heart shatters


I contemplate
What if politicians were evil
And instead of carrying briefcases they carried knives.
I cut out my stencils and spray paint this imagery onto a wall.


Gazing into the locket his dusty lips curl

"What's in that locket, love?"

He hands over the trinket on a tray of After Eights

"Check for yourself dear"

Tears tumble from her eyeballs and snail down her cheeks onto her buxom chest where they sit and glisten

"It's beautiful love!" she passes the locket back withholding two After Eights for herself

He was thrilled she didn't understand mirrors and hid the rest of his After Eights under a cushion


At the pier's end Marcus raged.
He stamped and waved his pink arms vigorously through the air.
His spangly translucent jelly sandals had been washed from the beach.
None of the swimmers bothered to retrieve them.
He was quite upset about this.
He gnawed at his thumb.
Dripped blood into the ocean.
Hoped to attract the sharks.


Agnes rebelled against the commercialisation of Halloween.
She stood proudly over the gravestones.
Flicked muck off some old bones and shoved them into her giant sack.
It was a particularly hefty sack made out of old bagpipes.
It hung nicely over her shoulder.
Sometimes air got in and the pipes began to wheeze.
Agnes didn’t like that.