Showing posts from March, 2019


She liked to look at her potted plants

But what if they felt trapped

Sometimes she felt a bit guilty about it all

They could be roaming freely in a field


He kept smashing head first into the light

It was so much fun he couldn't resist

His mate looked on, jealous, then joined in too

They were having a whale of a time

Just two friends constantly charging into a light

Dust was going everywhere


He didn't trust the plastic wrapped sandwiches

She laughed and said "Just eat them, it'll be fine!" reassuringly

He took the sandwiches and swallowed them whole

Then smiled proudly

She looked on in horror


A man built his own house.
One brick at a time.
Like they used to do in the olden days he thought.
He forgot to leave holes for windows.
It was very dark inside.


Michael Jackson

Sprang to action

When children came his way

He said come with me

I'm Peter Pan you see

Get in bed and we shall sleep eventually


Fish swim in the ocean

Where will they swim due to climate change

Will it be up to your front door

Or even

Inside your house


He picked up a hair brush

Applied some toothpaste

Then tried to brush his teeth with it!

He had always been quirky

But was taking things too far this time


Man sits before the world

To stage a tedious show

Shelves adorned with trinkets

Of films he does not know

The delivery is inconsistent

But he squeals with delight

At the slightest little mishap

Or mildly amusing sight

This makes him funny



Oh my god

He said looking up

The sky looks really high today!

He was unsure whether the sky could move

His hands were in his pockets holding up his trousers

He forgot to wear a belt


Turning down the road he spots a place to park

"That space will be mine!" he giggled with joy

He excitedly blasts forward at what feels like a million miles per hour

What a rush

Slamming on the brakes he stops next to the gap

It's too small!

He sees another in the distance

This one looks bigger

His feet whirl as he progresses towards the space at a staggering pace

"No," he sighs "this isn't any bigger, it was just the perspective!"

He unclips his helmet and throws it to the floor in a fit of rage

Then gets off his bicycle to jump up and down

"Oh I was riding my bike" he says "never mind then"


What's that noise?
It's jazz
But it sounds horrific
Yes, that's jazz


An ant
Looks upon a puddle
It sees
A vast ocean


Batman delivers a hefty bat-punch.
Joker's head whips back from the force of the bat-impact.
A bat-finger cracks.
He regrets only just realising reinforced bat-gloves would be a good idea.


A shrivelled old pear potters about the living room.
The deep shag feels lovely on her slippers.
Last Tuesday her husband kicked the bucket.
He had eaten the last rich tea biscuit.


Sebastian Vettel forgot his helmet and overalls
Ferrari said he'd have to do the race in his vest and underpants
Sebastian was upset and cried until they called his mum
She was sure she packed them and told him to check his bag again
Lewis Hamilton looks on enjoying his tiny carton of milk


Benny won a trophy.
It was enormous!
Intimidating, really.
Heavy too.
Too heavy for one man.
The resulting celebration was rather embarrassing.


The postman loved delivering letters
It really appealed to him
The mystery of it all


A woman stands in the kitchen preparing her husband's dinner.
"Bugger all this" she says and throws a pan of barely cooked mince to the floor.
Scattering bits of meat everywhere and chipping a floor tile before running off to a Zumba class.
Her husband peels himself from a comfortable chair to check what all the racket was about.
Sits back down with a bag of crisps.


She bought herself a new magazine
If she was being honest with herself she could never be bothered to read the words
But she did enjoy looking at the pictures


That morning he puffed his chest with pride. 
Prepared for work.
Dragged his bin to the kerb.
He had never felt so alert, so ready for the day before.
It was the talk of the office.
The confidence oozing off the guy.
He returned home.
Discovered the bin was still full.
It was the wrong day!
He felt such a fool.
The bin was hauled back sheepishly and he hoped none of the neighbours noticed.


Jack got stabbed during a lovely evening walk
That's just fine he thought
Trying not to let it put a downer on things.
Trying to stumble his way home before the death kicked in.


Plastic glasses
UV rated
Eyes protected
He's Mr Cool
Scarf for effect
Wound around his neck
One cool customer
Never loses his lustre
He's Mr Cool
Hat, cravat
Boots from a jealous cat
Beard fixed hard
He's avant-garde
Gliding through streets
Swagger in his feet
Look out, it's Mr Cool


A man walks into a shop and asks for 40 candles.
Misunderstanding, the shopkeeper retrieves four teak handles.
After brief chuckle the man enunciates more clearly his request.
The shopkeeper understands and directs him towards the candles.


A cow stands in a field
Eating grass
Beneath the crisp blue sky
Words float above it


He wears a helmet
To protect his head
The bullets rip
Through his heart


I am
A genius
It's not my fault
If you don't
Understand why


The fuzz on the street
Judging all of the guys
Looking for targets
With their eyes
Their backs are turned
Time to swear at them
An enraged young man
Flaunts finger stem
There's nothing they can do
He's a rebel
They know it


People live in boxes
Sometimes made out of cardboard
Sometimes made with bricks
Some of them without carpets
And some of them with
Are all people not the same?
Except the ones that are bastards
Don't we all deserve
Trousers that reach our shoelaces


Here I sigh
Betwixt two bins
Beneath the moon raked sky
The darkest alley
Where John hearts Sally
The lonely packet lies
Mother huffs
And mother puffs
To wish the day away
But within her hair
Remains the nightmare
Disposed from passers-by


Framed view
Of the world
In the wall
Curtains open
Look outside
See things


You have a perfectly adequate face.
More than good enough for my taste.
In that face you have some eyes.
They're fine combined with your thighs.
Which are great for helping you walk.
And you have lips to help you talk.
If I really had to.
I guess I'd say I love you.