Showing posts from May, 2019


A poet sits against a bin

The contrast between beauty and utility must be appreciated

It really is a very attractive poet

Imagination attempts to run wild

The smell is quite distracting

Twos: Wind

Wind blows

Leaf falls


He informed his wife couldn't swallow pills

She insisted he try taking one to solve his headache

He proved his point and choked to death

She was just pleased he wouldn't be having any more headaches


I'm on a boat again

The river winds

The boat winds

The fisherman hates me

I smile at him

I don't even like the boat

Its facilities are inadequate


He looked at the painting

Trying his best to feel some kind of emotion

It was a lovely shade of beige


I shove stones in my pockets as quickly as possible

Leave my pockets alone

I can't carry your phone

My pockets are filled with stones!


A gardener dug up the whole garden.
Things got a bit out of hand after concerns the six foot flower bed looked suspicious.


The straw in his milkshake was upside down

It looked like a straight one the cool kids would use

He liked to fit in

He hoped no one looked inside his cup


A man bought a classic car

Having convinced his wife he'd fix it up

She looked at it through the garden window

It had been propped up on bricks for a year

She was sure it had four wheels when it first arrived

The dishwasher was almost finished

Twos: Fishing

Fish swims

Gets caught


Terry spent the day in hiding.
Tomorrow he’d try to convince everyone he time travelled.


A daredevil swung his window wide.
The interior light was on.
It was night time.
It was thrilling.


Hank fanned at his meal.
Still hopeful certain issues would resolve.
Could cooling the toast give him what he wanted?
Optimism began to wain.


A poet strolls through Southbank

Musicians strum guitars

Singing the same songs in the same tepid tone

It spots a twat of poets gathered around two type writers

The poet hates itself


Tonight he felt extra posh.
His tinned fruit salad was emptied into a bowl.
He ate with stainless steel.


There is a violent vibration against the desk

It's much louder than he had anticipated

Shock is quickly replaced with excitement

He checks for messages

His visage is one of disappointment


Mary Berry's glowing white teeth
Scrape against her spoon
They look very realistic
Her wrinkled lips unfurl with a smile
She chomps through the cutlery
The sponge cake is delicious

Twos: Bell

Bell tolls

Ding dong


Everyone kept calling him a 'right idiot'

He thought this was great

Being right was rather pleasing


The husband wanted to cut his hair

But the wife wouldn't let him

He started cutting one strand a day

Hoping his wife wouldn't notice the gradual change


Superman flew up high.
Caught a distant crime with his super-eyes.
Swooped down.
Punched the criminal's head clean off.
Blood spurted everywhere.
Superman hadn't yet learned his own strength.
He began to vomit everywhere.


A man sits in the corner of a darkened room

His prey casually wanders in

Aware of what's waiting he goes about his routine

Then starts a conversation

What a cool guy


The babysitter sat on the baby.
It was clear there had been some misunderstandings.
This new job had gone wrong almost immediately.


He ate two cakes for dinner


It was only 10 AM

Not even his usual dinner time

He was going to be hungry later

But he wanted to tell people all about how he ate two cakes for dinner


A girthy person switched their scales to a unit they didn't understand.
They felt much better about themselves.

Twos: Drink

Buy drink

Drink drink


The cap wearer rotated his hat 180 degrees

He felt 180% cooler

He didn't even know percentages could get that high

Now the sun is in his eyes


Look at that gibbon

It's not anywhere near as funky as I expected

In fact it's just sitting there yawning

'Get a move on gibbon!'

That's what I would have said if I were a little bolder


He applied toothpaste to his brush before bed.
He was really starting to optimise his life.


A homeowner went to the beach

Waves made noise and stuff

He had forgotten all about the sand though

Now it's in his shoes and it's going to get all over his carpets

This isn't something he could be bothered with


The man stole some eggs from Tesco

He speeds through the quaint village streets

The eggs are on the passenger seat bouncing around

He's worried they're going to break

It was thrilling

An idea popped into his brilliant mind

He signalled left but turned right

There was no fooling these cops