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Showing posts from September, 2024

Daredevil

Larry looked across from his seat. 
In front of the steering wheel. 
Winked at the woman beside him. 
And increased his speed to 31mph.
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Salt

Hurgle packed a couple of bags of salt in his luggage.
He was eager to engage with airport security.
Spend a bit of time getting to know the locals.
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Ordinary

An ordinary man,
Wore a very bright shirt.
And some tight trousers.
An overwhelming experience.
He couldn't get his head straight.
Couldn't work out how to unbutton the things.
Trapped.
No longer the ordinary man he knew.
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Apology

Betty couldn't believe it.
All Trevor did to apologise was buy some flowers from Tesco!
She threw them in the toilet.
Pushed the little flush button or pulled the handle or whatever helps you imagine the flushing of a toilet.
But the flowers refused to plunge to the watery depths.
And Trevor stood there laughing as she had to scoop them back out.
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Swipe

Duh duh dog dug Doug,
Tried to write a poem on my phone.
It didn't work out.
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Abort

Miriam chuckled at the photograph.
'You look like a serial killer there.'
There was a pause.
'Look like?'
Replied Joel.
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Steed

Wilmot stole a horse,
To impress a girl.
Who he hoped,
Was into knights.
Additionally he obtained
A roll of foil from Sainsbury's.
To construct additional adornments.
Such as a helmet.
And to wrap up his sandwiches.



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Dating

What's really important is that everyone knows I'm a Sagittarius.
Thought Grubbles.
While filling out his dating profile.
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Thief

Frank got so good at stealing things,
He chose to become a thief.
Which he liked the idea of.
Giving himself a title helped with the conscience.
There was nothing Frank couldn't lay his fingers upon.
The problem was,
He couldn't be bothered with ebay.
So his house filled with little trinkets,
From the homes of the elderly.
Or phones from the pockets of tourists.
And eventually he had to rebrand as a hoarder.
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Mischief

Gusty moved to a new house.
Shared again,
Because no one can afford anything these days. 
It turns out her new housemates are astoundingly dull.
Everyone knew what they were doing.
Everything was organised.
And no food ever disappeared in unexplained circumstances. 
One night things got so tedious she pretended to go to bed early. 
Crept into the kitchen, 
And turned the fridge off.
She could not wait for tomorrow morning.
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Remembering

Potto went on holiday.
He forgot to hydrate. 
His urine became orange.
Like the setting sun.
Which reminded him of the aforementioned.
And he smiled a little.
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Rest

Kip took a hammer to his ankles. 
Loaded up WhatsApp. 
'I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull out of this charity walk, lads'
He sent, along with pictorial evidence. 
Then he put away his toolbox 
And launched Skyrim.
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