Rehearsal
Santa plunged his way through a roll of chocolate hobnobs.
Occasionally he would take a break to practise his jolly laugh.
An audience of elves was on hand to applaud his attempts.
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Showing posts from December, 2025
Rudolph
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Tears flooded the cheeks of an elf.
His hat was missing.
It now existed inside Rudolph.
Santa slapped a mining helmet on the poor guy.
Sent him in to retrieve it.
Heating
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Santa woke up.
Turned on the heating.
Slapped that belly of his.
Fondled that beard of his.
And wondered where breakfast was.
Leaving
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Hugh told his wife he was leaving.
She let him know they were too busy for that sort of nonsense.
He agreed.
Pretended he'd never even mentioned it.
Just plodded along.
Linger
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Henry ate meat flavoured crisps.
He was reminded of this fact for the remainder of the day.
Books
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I bought some books.
The sort of things people pretend they've read.
And some shelves to hold the books.
Which I placed rather strategically behind me.
Just in case I should ever be invited on a podcast.
Stuffed
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Abby entered the children's section of Waterstones.
She began rummaging through the stuffed toys.
Describing various creatures as cunts.
Parents were clawing at the ears of their children.
Desperate to lever them off before their innocent minds warp.