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Showing posts from January, 2025

Barred

Reg was asked to leave the pub.
Earlier he'd sat down with a cigarette and a pint of beer.
And was mumbling about how you can't do anything these days.

Curry

Mindy's curry got caught in a gale.
She refused to release the bag.
Got carried to Clapham Common.
There she sheltered behind a bench
And consumed her chicken madras
As the strong winds swirled around her.

Ground Force

I found Alan Titchmarsh,
Roaming my garden,
Fiddling with the soil.
I approached,
He promised an improvement by the time he was done.
Later he informed me Charlie Dimmock and that other one,
Possibly called Harry or George or something,
Would not be arriving,
So he was going to have to give up on the job.

Salute

A week ago Chad hadn't even heard the term Roman salute.
But now he knew what it was,
And learned it was perfectly fine because Romans,
He began throwing the gesture at least twice a day.

Equestrian

I have a question.
Equestrian?
A question.
I didn't know you had horses.
I don't,
I have a question.
You're confusing me.

Pungi

Gladys dug out a pungi,
An instrument obtained during an excursion to India.
She tooted in the direction of Harold's penis.
By 1am she had shoved it back in the drawer,
And gone to sleep.

Striped

Cathy turned to a life of crime.
She saw herself in one of those stripy outfits.
The image appealed.
After being arrested she learned they don't really do those these days.
She complained to the judge and asked to be let out.

Return

Terence married Vera on a Tuesday.
On Thursday Vera returned to the registry office,
Engaged in an argument about receipts.

Cigar

Edith carried a cigar.
She loved it.
It became an extension of her arm.
A signal of authority.
A tool for pointing.
She felt,
A little more mature.
A little more dignified.

Riot

Mark got his shopping trolley,
And set out for a riot.
He smashed in a shop window
Scooped up a couple of televisions,
And encouraged onlookers to join in.
They glared and tutted,
And eventually the police arrived.

Progress

Alan sat on the floor,
To do some sit-ups.
Leaned back,
And fell asleep.

Aid

Cyril saw the problems.
The fires and such.
Felt ever so bad about the whole thing.
He filled up a bucket with water.
Affixed postage,
And shipped it off to wherever it was needed.

Aging

Terry wondered how old he was.
And struggled to recall his age.
Which didn't improve his faith,
In the number being something he'd appreciate.

Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones forgot to bring his soundtrack.
He refused to do any adventuring
Until the Nazis agreed to sing his theme tune.

Club

Michael established a club for cool guys.
Six months later he was voted out.

Prep

Steve slumped in the corner,
Of a stark white room,
Clutching an acoustic guitar.
Waiting for his hair to grow.

Forgetful

Nancy went to buy toilet paper.
On the journey,
She sang a joyous song about toilet paper.
Later she arrived home.
With six shopping bags,
None containing toilet paper.

Wrong

Jesus went on holiday to Italy.
After spending a year learning French.
This was an anecdote he'd be able to tell for years.