Showing posts from December, 2023


Melony had a bath.
She drenched her body,
From head to toe.
Then got out and texted her friend.
'I've had a bath' she said.
She planned on doing it again tomorrow.


Hugh coughed his brains out.
He looked at it (or them).
Contemplated how to get them back in,
With a sad look on his face.


Lance bought two bicycles,
And arranged a date with Gina.
He interrupted her diatribe about work or whatever,
Something he wasn't paying attention to is the point.
Told her she really ought to be his girlfriend
That he'd already bought the bike.

A Cold

The sort of stuff that typically came out of Hugh's nose,
Started coming out of his mouth too.
This is what he was living with.
He wasn't a fan.


Plonk was handed a present.
The panic set in.
Carefully he peeled back a piece of tape,
You know, really slowly.
Really panicking.
The audience urged him to set upon the paper
As it slowly disintegrated beneath his sweaty palms.


Mork ate two tubs of Quality Street
Peter Kay,
Somewhere near by,
Remembers them being tins.
Mork wasn't interested.
He spent Christmas in bed recovering.
With another tub,
Less fondly remembered.


Godzilla gathered up the other monsters.
Organised a bit of a protest.
Colossal signs were clonked through major cities.
With slogans against nuclear weapons, mainly.
Concerned these things might put them out of a job.


One of the elves tried growing a beard.
Santa couldn't believe what he was seeing.
One of those little twerps,
Trying to step on his turf.


Gunther went to the funfair,
Which almost rhymes,
Or does rhyme,
With his name,
If you pronounce it badly.
This pleased Gunther.
His smile was large.
At the funfair.

Holiday Spirit

Blonk bought a Santa hat.
He planned on wearing it to the office.
He hoped for comments,
Something about the holiday spirit would do.
Something about being festive.


Joan and Marco, two pretty regular humans.
Considered having a child.
They got in touch with their friends,
Asked if any would be willing to take it off their hands,
Should they go off the idea.


Greg practised for his hospital visit.
He started wearing a shirt backwards,
And occasionally slice himself open.

At the Farm

Paula saw a cow.
She liked it.
She would have preferred it was burgers,
She supposes.
But as cows go,
It was decent.


The king was sad his castle had no moat.
He began crying.
Ordered servants to gather up his tears,
And get digging.


Lewis found a portal to another world.
Things were very different from what he knew.
He didn't like it.
He went back home and ate some buttered toast.

Feeling Festive

Vanessa slathered her house in fairy lights.
This year she'd forgo the heating in favour of them.
She sat indoors,
Pretended she was a snowman,
Felt quite festive.

Lie In

Santa got in touch with DHL.
Asked what it would cost to have their drivers wear the iconic red and white gear,
And work on Christmas morning.

Santa's Sleigh

Santa took his sleigh to the local supermarket.
He had some of the lads there wash it.
Polish it up nicely for the season.
He demanded they wear little green hats with bells on,
And insisted on seeing his reflection in the sleigh's filigree. 

Cautionary Tale

Ronnie opened day one of his advent calendar.
Chocolate, delicious!
But not enough.
He opened days 2-24 too.
Briefly happy,
Then sad.