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Showing posts from September, 2020

Hat

A magician lost his hat.
And he'd left his assistant in there!
He began making some very uncomfortable calls.

Xylophone

George clonked on his xylophone.
His mother looked on,
Regretful.

Fabio

A spangly shirt adorned Frank's chest.
He popped his collar.
Adopted a vague Portuguese accent.
Called himself Fabio.

Feet

Samantha wasn't letting him near her feet again.
Not after squelching to the bathroom last time.

Horror

A murderer chased his victim.
His long impractical robes snagged on the furnishings.
The mask obscured his vision.
It was turning into a disaster.
The victim was getting tired of screaming.

Wool

Agnes took up knitting.
Her knitting wands endlessly clacked away.
They formed clothes she insisted be worn.
Suddenly her friends felt very itchy.

Crunch

Carl's big break finally came.
He achieved it with the help of a bus.
It wasn't exactly what he hoped for.

Jumpers

Simon put on a jumper.
Then he put on two more.
He headed to the park and hoped someone needed goal posts.

Landing

Linda installed landing lights on her bed
Blasted the Close Encounters (of the Third Kind) soundtrack through a megaphone
She spread her legs
Rubbed her nipples
And prayed some aliens would notice.

Lamb

Mary had a little lamb.
And by 'little lamb' I mean 'cake'.
And by 'had' I mean 'ate'.
The situation resolved in Mary eating a cake.

Sultan

A sultan arrived.
Kate, a fan of dried fruit, was upset. 

Henry

Henry clonked through the house
Snorting anything he could get his tremendous beak on.

Harold

The bespectacled little boy shuffled some stones with his stick.
He looked sad.
The author was making everyone hate him.

Clouds

Robert gazed up at the crisp blue sky.
Discussed the animals he saw in the clouds.
His date began rolling away.

Test

James travelled 75 miles for the trendy new test.
Coughed all over the other commuters on the way.

Heatwave

"I'm incredibly hot" said Kenneth.
It was yet another one of those days.
"In more ways than one" he continued with a wink.
The sly dog.

Wet

A sad man watched as rain trickled down the window.
He was getting wet too.
He sat on the wrong side of the glass.
This made the whole situation worse.

Forms

Wilbur became unhinged.
He filled out forms with reckless abandon.
An inaccurate scrawl offered his name.
Multiple choice boxes were checked at will.
His usage of coloured inks was scattershot.
Wilbur was just all over the place these days.

Anarchy

The rebellious boy approached a bin.
His Happy Meal box was empty.
He threw the box to the ground!
Kicked the bin and legged it!

Acquisition

Boris hauled himself to a party.
Wore his police helmet and hi vis jacket (no mask, as per).
He spluttered through a cigar shaped whistle and insisted everyone go home.
Curled up in the corner and awaited the big arrival.
Cumslap revved up the driveway, threw his ABBA cassette at Boris and told him to spin up the stereo.
Invited Groovy and the lads over to celebrate the acquisition.

Motion

Aunt Miriam teased her rocking chair.
Motion sickness quickly set in.
She vomited over Chad.
Her niece's young lad.

Quote

Cornplug was winning the room over with his incessant Simpson's quotes.
It really was a brilliant time.

Lips

Rondom chewed on his wife's lips
As he fingered her.
He asked if he was doing it right.
The conversation was muffled.
Barely comprehensible.

Flood

John bought a boat.
He tried to flood the roads so he could use the damn thing.
Hooked up hosepipes to all of his taps and fed them into the street.
The water just drained away.
John looked defeated.
He wished he still had his car.

Clamp

Someone tried to speak to me.
I closed my eyes.
Ignored them.
Pretended I hadn't seen them.
Kept my eyes clamped shut as they hollered at my face.
Hoped this encounter wouldn't crop up at a later date.

Tribute

A man named David.
Met a woman named Gladys.
He noted her unusual name.
Began carving it into his arm.
Gladys got back on Tinder.

Pie

A man was enjoying his pie.
He ordered another pie.
He couldn't eat the second pie.

Thumbs

"No more thumbs-ups for a week" said the doctor.
Bruce massaged his thumbs and looked forlorn.

Pornography

George was getting into the hardcore stuff (pornography).
Showed it to his wife.
She peered up from her book.
Told him he wasn't that good.

Sauce

Mary felt saucy.
She cuddled Peter.
"I'm sitting right here!" said Alan.
Mary's husband.