Showing posts from September, 2019


The man jogged to the shop for some doughnuts.
He ate all the doughnuts on the walk home.
Occasionally sucking the sugar from his finger and thumb.
He waddled back to the shop to pick up a screwdriver
So he could remove the front door from its hinges and squeeze in.


He answered the phone upside down

Trying to stifle the giggling with his frigid mitts

The caller could just about make out the laughter


Douglas belted out some Elvis Presley at the wedding.
The attendees gasped and desperately plugged their ears with bits of sausage and cheddar cubes and torn up shirt sleeves.
‘Clearly they're concerned all other voices would pale in comparison’
Thought Douglas.
He yodelled on powerfully into the microphone.


Peter squints hard at the cardboard box.
He closes his eyes and tries again.
Still just a box!
He was positive that thing used to turn into a racing car.


Potent scrubs made short work of the dishes

Crusty spaghetti hoops flung from pots and pans

Preparing for his reward he began shedding clothes

He swooped in carelessly and slurped up the water

Chewing on the delicious congealed treats


A man grabbed two fistfuls of sand and massaged them into his hair and face and chest.
"I want to be sandpaper"
He slathered his back and stared at the bottle.
"I want to be sandpaper" a third time "I want to be sandpaper!"
It was at that moment that he did not turn into sandpaper.


The farmer herded his sheep with a grace that he had only seen at his daughter's wedding

Moisture forms between his lids

Choosing to treat himself to some lamb chops he arches his back, hands on hips, and farts proudly

His buttocks clap with exuberance

The sheep look on and bleat, horrified as he chomps away


He sighed and shook his head

He shook his head so vigorously it fell off

Employing his lengthy tongue he snaked himself back to his body


A man sat twiddling his thumbs as he waited for his moustache to grow.
His thumbs got tangled in his moustache.
He was very good at growing his moustache.


The wizard mocked his friend.
Waggled a magical twig about.
He zapped his friend by mistake.
His friend turned into a frog!
The wizard apologised profusely and vowed to seek aid from a woman.
Adjusting his drooping spectacles he tried to recall the last woman he'd encountered.


Bruce Grobbelaar held the ball tightly.
He sat in the thinning grass and curled around the ball.
Everyone was asking Bruce to give the ball back.
Bruce refused and insisted he wouldn't let go of the ball.
Everyone was getting upset and men were blowing whistles and gesticulating.


Her long unwieldy nails scratched about

She knew it was there somewhere

She reached beyond the discarded hair and dust

Beyond the cobwebs too

Her favourite issue of Spider-Man!

She leapt into the air with joy and scratched her knuckles on the ceiling fan


He filled his bucket right to the top

The grains were very well compacted

He flipped the bucket and gave it a good smashing

The anticipation was too much

He couldn't bear the disappointment

He plucked his spade from the moist sand and skulked home


Edith boards the bus and grips the handrail firmly.
The driver plants his foot and whizzes through the streets.
The bus leans through the corners and scrapes against parked cars.
She beams at the driver and whoops and cackles with joy.


He interrupted his walk to do a twirl

People looked at him and he returned with a boney-fingered wave

Another twirl drew even more attention

He kept twirling and people kept looking

"Stop twirling you idiot!"

He paused, dizzy and self conscious


Buzz hopped in his brand new spaceship and flew all the way to Mars.
The journey gave him plenty of time to enjoy several bags of crisps.
His landing kicked up a lot of dust.
Everything got dusty!
He sighed and began the trip back home for a vacuum cleaner.


The clown plugged his nose into his nose.
Applied his hair to his hair.
Then stared into the mirror and began to practice his laugh.
It was an evil laugh.
He'd had enough of the children.


People were very angry.
They held up signs.
They shouted quite a bit.
Some of the signs even had angry messages on them.


The man threw punches at the air.
At least a dozen solid jabs so far today.
He'd had enough of the ghosts.
He hoped to show one who's boss.


"Nice to meet you, where you been"

She flounced around talking to fellow dancefloorists

A surprisingly large amount of people had been to Scarborough

Her hands flapped about the air

"This sick beat" she exclaimed

She was very appreciative of the arts


"Surprise!" shouted the guests.
It was surprising.
The birthday boy was terrified.
He whipped the rifle off his shoulder and mowed down all of his friends.
The guests apologised.
They were leaking all over the floor.


Barry stares at his timepiece (watch) for what feels like a good 30 seconds.
"Yes" he squeals "I've finally done it!"
He strips right down to the flesh and blasts off on a nudie run.
Things are flapping about everywhere.
He returns home ashamed and clutching a new battery.


The lake reflected the sky

Things were in the sky

Like clouds

Those were also being reflected in the lake

A plane would be too if one flew overhead

There was no plane to be reflected lake


The statue stood proudly

Bare beyond flappy cloth

But did she?


"What about Paul Potts?" they said.
"What about Paul Potts?" he replied.
He didn't know who Paul Potts was.
He hoped he didn't give the game away.


The delivery driver caught the homeowner staring through a window.
He sat in his van waiting, anxious.
For 10 minutes he pretended to eat a sandwich.
They wouldn't stop watching.
They wouldn't stop waiting.
He gave in and sauntered out casual as you like.
Drop kicked the package onto the roof.
Shoved a note through the door and retreated rapidly.


At the centre of landlocked town

A property stands proudly

From within numbers echo

Smoke filled craggy skin masks an entrance


A man prepares his bowl of Shreddies.
He curses Nestle.
Then sits back and enjoys the Shreddies (Frosted) anyway.


A curious man picked up a rock.
He thought about how old it might be.
He rolled it in his fingers,
Weighed it in his hand,
Waved it about a bit.
Chucked it in the air and let it fall to the ground.
"A good 10 years on that rock" he said to himself, satisfied.


He sat at the very top of the staircase

Apparently this was the best way to be creative

It didn't seem to be working out for him