Showing posts from May, 2022

Platinum Jubilee

The Queen plonked herself on her throne.
Complaints soon sprouted.
First, the crown was too heavy.
Solved with clever use of fishing line.
Second, some concerns the whole thing looked too modest.
The throne would be jacked up a bit.
Her Majesty now looked very important and very imposing.
She delivered her message.
Everyone MUST party in her honour.
Anyone who wasn't looking delighted with their paper plates of jam sandwiches were, in her words, "looking to have their heads removed."

Chocolate Chip

Ed Shoulders,
Son of Hilda Shoulders,
Baked cookies for his love.
Chocolate chip.
He hauled them from the oven.
Their scent filled his nostrils.
He consumed them.
Ed began another batch.
The same problem occurred.
Ed Shoulders soon realised he loved himself.
Informed the dead weight.
Went back to his cookies.

Spook the Ghost

Spook the ghost tried to scare someone.
For days he'd observed his target.
Knew when they woke up in the morning.
Knew when they got home from work.
Knew when they went to bed.
But he simply couldn't do it.
Every time he did one of his scary faces they'd walk right through him.


Shouted some law enforcement type.
Zero sense of humour by the sounds of it.
"No chance, mate"
Said some other guy.
Noting the unreasonably high temperature.


A window got very itchy.
Some old woman came by to help.
She stared into the darkness and scratched away.
Her wrinkled lips bordered a toothy grin.
The window quivered with delight.
The occupants looked on in horror.


Tony spent the day pretending he had a cold.
Tomorrow he'd impress people with a quick recovery.

Bed Time

Peter found himself in bed.
He wasn't even tired.
What a mistake!
How could this have happened.

Night Shift

Some owls got tired of the night shift.
They gave day time owling a shot.
Didn't like it.
Went back to what they knew.

I Like Chocolate

Peter wondered whether blaming Covid for the weight gain was beginning to lose impact.


The Riddler ran out of greeting cards.
He logged on to,
Wasted days searching,
Picking out the perfect cards for Batman.
His riddles suffered as a result.

Opening a Door

At speed Rachel approaches.
Outstretched hand misses the handle.
Head pounds the wooden door.
In this state she collapses to the floor.
Dreams of what might have been.
The mystery of the door concealed scene.

The Drowning

I watch the mad woman through my binoculars.
She's waving at me like a lunatic.
Absolutely slathering herself in water.
"You'll get wet" I remark,
Quite wittily.
Never mind.

Medieval Life

A knight
Got into a fight
With another knight.
Peasants found the clanging disruptive.
It penetrated the walls of their little huts at night.
They gathered at the local tavern.
Penned a letter of complaint to the King.


Some old man got bored.
He went for a walk to the shops.
At the shops he bought himself some oranges.
The oranges were difficult to peel.


Gwen built a barn.
She would go on to keep animals in it.


A man wanted a hammer.
He bought a hammer.
He didn't know what to do with his hammer.
After a while he found a job at the BBC hammering things into other things.
This went pretty well.
He loved his hammer.

No Smoking

Cool guy sits at bar.
Sips a drink.
Drags a cigarette.
Gets kicked out.

My New Home

A spider borrowed my bed.
I slept on the couch.
A spider borrowed my shower.
I washed in the sink.
These monsters kept appearing.
I moved into a hotel.

Trial Run

My cat stole an apple,
And I'd like to apologise,"
Tommy lied.
The shopkeeper,
A picture of confusion,
Had some questions.
Things like "how could a cat manage this?"
Tommy would just shrug in agreement.
Cats are mysterious beasts after all.
Shopkeep didn't press too hard.
Tommy's apology was accepted.
The plan worked.
Now came the time to scale up.

Rebuilding Billy

Billie, wife of Billy (confusing), loved jigsaw puzzles.
Billy was desperate to please her,
So he set to work turning himself into one.
He scattered himself throughout the house.
Billie had to piece him back together.
She wasn't great with anatomy,
And she struggled to see through the tears,
And she was busy calling him an idiot,
So the whole thing took too long really.
Billy's whole plan had backfired.
She wasn't pleased at all.

Nine Words

Nine words,
Is enough to tell a story.