Showing posts from November, 2019


Boris was tackling the thorny subject of cookies

Someone had stolen his rather fetching Boris stool and he was struggling to reach the countertop

He was busy inspecting the recipe through his cardboard periscope

Working out which ingredient could be blamed for burning the cookies to a crisp this time


John was sick to death of all of the guys at work flaunting their cereal bars.
He spent his mornings gluing together poorly formed cuboids of Coco Pops.
They were not as stable as the real thing but he was getting by.


A bee grew tired of honey and began looking for new lines of work.
He gave some serious consideration to milk production,
But was concerned about the potential for jokes.
He also had issues padding out his CV and was worried his striped outfit might turn off interviewers.


Boris squeezes onto his slogan and tugs at his follicles

He seizes an entire aisle and chuckles as he perfects his bumble

The boys set off to a new destination


The plan was for a very romantic evening indeed

They slept under the stars

Holding hands was gradually becoming more difficult

The frostbite was setting in


Extravagant Christmas lights dazzled the driver

Red smears across the car window were putting a damper on proceedings

He wasn't really sure what to feel at this point


He wanted to spread himself as wide as possible

He spread so far that he felt like a trampoline

But he wasn't a trampoline

His sockets ached and his skin lacked the requisite give

It was having a pretty tough time with the whole ordeal


In darkness fading fairy lights guide towards the sleeping quarters

He stumbles on discarded underwear and jeans and fluffy slippers

His member crushes against the hardwood floor


The artist got a toilet

They turned the toilet upset down

They put a rope around it

The rope ensures people understand


Neil Morrissey from Men Behaving Badly looks forlornly into the distance

Olivia Colman marches away

Air is thick with the stench of raclette


He'd always wanted to be known as the monster truck guy

To thrive on the cachet that comes with rolling around on those giant wheels

That's why he went out and bought himself a monster truck

Well, if he was being honest with himself he stole the monster truck

Or perhaps more accurately, he was in the process of stealing the monster truck

He was having issues climbing up into the driver hole bit and the owner kept shouting at him to stop


The bird flapped its wings

And with that it flew through the sky

Its feathers were fluttering in the air


He looked down to check his shoes were on the right feet

They weren't, which went a long way to explaining their comfort level

And the looks his feet were getting

He crossed his legs and continued walking

It was a bit of a struggle


He decided it was time to fall in love

He did this as he gnawed on an apple

The juices spilled from it and dribbled down his chin

Into his apple juice bucket which he looked forward to slurping up later


He trembled at the sound of the radio worried it was the ghosts again.
He was trembling so much the floorboards were vibrating and bothering the occupants below.
He was burrowing a hole in the floorboards.
Soon they'd be able to see his legs dangling there.


The magician could feel the rabbit nibbling at his scalp

He had picked up the wrong top hat this time

His assistant's skin folded into a grimace as she looked at him through her feather boa

There was blood dripping from the tip of his nose


Cyclops (the one from the X-Men) forgot his visor and those red glasses he likes to wear

He had to keep his eyes closed all day otherwise he'd accidentally blast holes in things

Professor X kept rolling over his feet due to Cyclops's unpredictable walking patterns

Children were pulling faces and gesticulating discourtesies in front of his back


He tumbled down the stairs grasping his fork and shouting about how excited he was for dinner

It was the wrong night for forks, it was soup night

He tried the best he could given the circumstances but he was having a more difficult time of it than the others

"It's just not the done thing, is it?" chuckled a fellow diner from across the way with his soup filled lips


Rafael Nadal forgot his plimsolls

His feet lacked the grip he had become accustomed to

He was slipping about all over the place

And he was very slow out of the blocks on return games


The men spent a good quarter of an hour inflating their hot air balloon
They had equipped each side of the basket with telescopes and little bells to alert attention of the other chaps
As they floated up they hooked their eyes into the telescopes and conversed between balloon parps
"Any blouses on your side mate?"
The boys were drifting above Bolton scouting for blouses and other loose fitting clothes
"None here mate"
The conversation continued, as they do
They begin to realise that the several month delay to their project had ruined their plan entirely


Gregory met with his friend,
The friend was also named Gregory.
They loved the fact they shared the same name,
But it made their meetings quite confusing,
Especially when it came to poems about them.


He was desperate for her attention

He poked at her for a solid 20 minutes with his fingers and his tongue

"You know, I really thought you'd appreciate being dug up a little more"

Some of her skin had flaked off

"And I really don't like this new look you've got going on"


Godzilla felt very clumsy as he stomped around the city

His unwieldy tail was constantly knocking over buildings

And he kept feeling people pop between his toenails

These were especially difficult to scrape off too

His apologetic roars were doing nothing to help the situation


The crab couldn't believe its luck

He ruddy loved pinching things and he was born with two giant claws!

In fact the crab felt so privileged he pinched himself to check he wasn't dreaming

His eyestalks drooped at his foolishness as a claw drifts off into the ocean


A woman arrived at her new job with a brand new keyboard and mouse.
Several other employees were jealous of the computer trimmings.
They would peer over the cubicle to open cans of Fanta above the keyboard and flagrantly slurp away.
She found the whole situation rather concerning.
She did not feel welcomed at all.


Explosives were stashed liberally throughout the neighbourhood.
They plopped high into the sky going pop and fizzle and splat and other onomatopoeic words.
Shivering eyes bulged and gawped.
Local dogs lost control of their functions.


Leaning against a column of the Parthenon

He scoops the sun into his crusty pink scalp

Standing masterfully on one leg with the other propped against the pillar

Safe in the knowledge that his socks protect his ankles


Chewing on a bag of fudge he walked the country trail

His eyeholes crinkled with forced smiles as he masked hatred for those who passed

"Why don't you eat the fudge?" a particularly ratty chap inquired

"Maybe I'm going to eat the fudge" His brow furrowed and seemed rather irritated

His dusty bones quickly shuttled off and he inspected the sodden bag once more


She sits before the fireplace prodding at the soot with her naked fingers

Wind gusts down the roof hole fluttering her hair and puffing erotically at her nipple folds

She wishes she could figure out how to switch on the fire


He decided it was time to become a geologist and started picking up rocks

"You're just a hobbyist mate!" shouted a man from afar

He was unsure how the man knew he had only just decided to be a geologist

Or why it mattered to him

He gathered two fistfuls of mysterious stones and charged the man down

Waving his swollen rock fists in the air and screaming a war cry