He began several countdowns to the new year

The clock on the wall said one thing

His phone said another

Jools Holland insists he knows what's best despite being closer to November

And fireworks already explode outside his window

Ten, six, four, nine, five, three, eight, four, two

He struggled to keep the times in order

It still seemed worth the effort for three times the average celebration

He leaned back in his armchair and ate another Party Ring