Boris woke in the middle of the night and squeezed out the window
He was decked out in camouflage and hadn't even done his hair
He tumbled all the way to Parliament Square and clambered up to Winston's statue
He held Winston tightly and whispered deep into his ear promising nothing bad would happen again
Boris offered a cigar to Winston's lips and gazed into the distance, trying his best to emulate the statue's pose