Saving the Planet

Scientists appeared on the television.
Boris Johnson was there too, still trying to make himself look as glum as possible.
They informed us we were getting too fat during lockdown.
Boris nodded in agreement, doing his best to hold his gut in.
Viewers started prodding at their bodies.
They seemed well aware of the situation and didn't really feel it needed to be brought up.
But it was way worse than anyone could have imagined.
Earth was getting too heavy and it was going to fall over unless we did something about it!
The government ordered everyone outside for daily runs.
No one was allowed to breathe while doing it, though.
I took to the streets,
Dodging the corpses of brave exerciseers who couldn't quite make it.
Lightheaded, I stumbled over a stray leg dangling out from the entrance to a house.
I staggered to my door.
Smashing away at it with the key.
Absolutely hopeless, I was too faint, I couldn't find the hole.
I shoved open the letterbox.
Thrust my gob deep inside.
Breathed in that sweet, sweet, fresh home air.