Posts

Accident

One of the elves took Santa's sleigh out for a test run.
He lost control.
Cost a family of four their home. 
The cover up was immense.
Post a Comment
...

Feathers

Santa trained is reindeer to hunt turkeys.
There were distressing scenes.
A lot of feathers.
Blood.
That sort of thing.
Post a Comment
...

Rehearsal

Santa plunged his way through a roll of chocolate hobnobs.
Occasionally he would take a break to practise his jolly laugh.
An audience of elves was on hand to applaud his attempts.
Post a Comment
...

Rudolph

Tears flooded the cheeks of an elf.
His hat was missing.
It now existed inside Rudolph.
Santa slapped a mining helmet on the poor guy.
Sent him in to retrieve it.
Post a Comment
...

Heating

Santa woke up.
Turned on the heating.
Slapped that belly of his.
Fondled that beard of his.
And wondered where breakfast was.
Post a Comment
...

Leaving

Hugh told his wife he was leaving.
She let him know they were too busy for that sort of nonsense.
He agreed.
Pretended he'd never even mentioned it.
Just plodded along.
Post a Comment
...

Linger

Henry ate meat flavoured crisps.
He was reminded of this fact for the remainder of the day.
Post a Comment
...

Books

I bought some books.
The sort of things people pretend they've read.
And some shelves to hold the books.
Which I placed rather strategically behind me.
Just in case I should ever be invited on a podcast.
Post a Comment
...

Stuffed

Abby entered the children's section of Waterstones.
She began rummaging through the stuffed toys.
Describing various creatures as cunts.
Parents were clawing at the ears of their children.
Desperate to lever them off before their innocent minds warp.
Post a Comment
...

Sprout

Jimmy considered growing a beard.
This thought took so long a beard formed of its own volition.
Jimmy panicked. 
He wasn't ready for this.
He texted Janet and told her what was occurring. 
The reply didn't help.
He didn't know what to do with the laughing emoji.
Post a Comment
...

Sold

Brian sold his mountain bike.
Of course.
The very next day.
As luck would have it.
He saw a mountain.
He couldn't believe it.
He stared at the mountain.
Imagined a bicycle between his thighs.
Chewed on a slice of bread.
And let the tears flow.
Post a Comment
...

Puddles

Frank went for a walk.
It was raining.
Frank went for a walk in the rain.
Frank's walk was wet.
His clothing wasn't weather appropriate.
He had to dodge puddles.
The rain could not be dodged.
Frank got wet.
But not from puddles.
Post a Comment
...

Sight

I encountered a fellow poet.
He looked forlornly into his typewriter.

Post a Comment
...

Army

Sergeant Chips ordered his men to tidy up.
When they were done he ordered them to cook dinner.
He put his feet up and ordered one of them to turn on the television.
The men wondered why this wasn't in those army advertisements.
They tried to sneak looks at the television to see if there were any army advertisements on.
To see if there was something they had forgotten.
Post a Comment
...

Safari

Charles starting offering safari tours.
He specialised in Tooting Common.
Sometimes the ducks weren't where he expected.
He had to adapt on the fly.
He found the work very stressful.
Post a Comment
...

Awake

Rain slaps against my bedroom window.
The sound so soothing I don't want to miss a second.
4am approaches.
I refuse to give in.
Post a Comment
...

Tired

Ethel couldn't wait for her husband to become impotent.
Post a Comment
...

Astronaut

Gus prepped for a date.
He rummaged through the wardrobe.
Seeking something to help his profile seem more convincing.
Knocked dust off the astronaut costume.
Post a Comment
...

Sherlock

Sherlock Holmes crouched down.
Adjusted his deerstalker.
Checked the position of the sun.
And aligned his magnifying glass.
He cackled as the ants burned.
Watson shook his head.
Worked on ways to distract Lestrade.
Post a Comment
...

Email

Edna clicked send.
Off went the email.
Typo and all.
She checked her calendar.
Pushed back the request for a pay rise by another couple of years.
Post a Comment
...