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Showing posts with the label Animals

Tyrannosaurus

The children brought their pets to school.
One had a T. rex.
It ate the other children.
The parents began to question the idea.
"Why would you let a child bring a dinosaur to school?" they asked.
The teachers had to admit they hadn't considered the possibility.
They offered to replace the children.
It seemed like the only option.
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Meats

Tarquin gave Mary permission
Finally she was allowed bird
"Not lovebirds or anything like that though" he said
"Think eagles, hawks, or kestrels, that sort of thing, you know?"
Tarquin wanted a bird of prey
He imagined feeding it various meats
Owning one of those big leather gloves like the people at bird shows have
He'd settle for nothing less
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Animals

He pressed into the window
The goats and sheep and possibly other animals were taking the land
They were mocking him
Occasionally he would lick the glass
Trying to get a taste of the outdoors
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Farm

Troy ordered a cow from the internet.
He requested one that would grant cheddar.
He toiled away for hours.
Hauling up the turf in his garden.
Anticipating some homegrown cheese.
Planting the livestock was a very laborious undertaking.
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Seeing the Sights

Angus Walker walked south for what felt like days

He passed sheep (100% wool) and cows (100% steak and ale pie)

He was enjoying the sounds of cars on a distant motorway

And the swishing of his trouser legs
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Hamster

He recalls the time he bought a hamster

The event occurred about two months ago

He looks at the hamster's cage

He regrets failing to remember the purchase sooner
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Kennels

Smackers motioned towards the kennels and requested a dog

"Something with a bit of zip in it"

The newly retrieved dog collapsed under Smackers' weight

"Did you mean a horse, sir?"

Smackers stared at the floor and edged his way out of the building
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Nature

A man went to the Natural History Museum.
He gawked at the animals on display.
Did his best impressions of them to nearby grown-ups.
They scuttled the children away as he beat his chest.
Unleashed mighty roars.
And hopped around flapping his arms producing haunting squawks.
He seemed to be doing a very good job with his impressions.
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Chimp

Mike got himself a pet chimpanzee.
It swung on the curtains
Threw pillows about carelessly
And generally made a mess of things.
Mike was regretting the decision.
But thought it best to keep his distance.
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Pier

At the pier's end Marcus raged.
He stamped and waved his pink arms vigorously through the air.
His spangly translucent jelly sandals had been washed from the beach.
None of the swimmers bothered to retrieve them.
He was quite upset about this.
He gnawed at his thumb.
Dripped blood into the ocean.
Hoped to attract the sharks.
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Tent

A couple went camping in the forest.
The ordeal started off fairly romantic.
Days passed.
Squirrels began stealing their supplies.
They began to blame each other.
They began to hate each other.
They began to stink.
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Jump

The jockey buttered his horse.
He wanted it to glide over the jumps.
He buttered the wrong side!
His saddle slipped off at the start gate.
The jockey sat on the grass sobbing into his buttery legs.
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Christmas

Santa slumped in a crusty leather armchair.
His beard was unkempt and filled with crumbs.
He was getting more and more irritated by how late people were leaving their requests.
The elves were complaining about the yearly crunch.
Rudolph sat in the corner licking the woodchip wallpaper.
His antlers clacked against the television.
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Owl

The pet owl escaped.
It was out and about hooting all night.
People could hear the hooting through their windows.
They couldn't get to sleep.
They weren't pleased with the owl's owner at all.
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Crumbs

Biscuit guy finished a whole load of biscuits.
The crumb filled plate attracted a bird to the window.
The bird pecked at the glass.
“Give me all of your crumbs there buddy” the bird spoke.
The fearful man stared right into the bird's beady eyes.
These eyes were held in place by a colossal feathery body.
“I said give me all them crumbs” its squawks were being translated through a curious voice box.
The bird kept pecking away at the window.
Its friends were starting to join in too.
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Horse

Sally rode her horse.
She pounded faster and faster.
Her face wrinkled as she grinned from ear to ear.
It was a very big smile.
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Pig

The bacon was still attached to the pig.
The whole situation was very inconvenient.
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Bird

A small bird flew into a window.
It smashed itself to pieces and died.
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Outlaw

Some guy thought he'd make a good cowboy. He got in touch with the local gang. This was before he remembered being terrified of horses. He wasn't fond of shooting people either. And he thought he looked bad in a hat. He really started to regret the decision.
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Corner

A sticky woman spent her nights sitting in corners.
Mucking about making a mess.
Filling the room with horror as she awaited sustenance.
A cleaner would arrive and have to scoop up her filth.
Tomorrow she'd do it all again.
The duster was a disgrace.
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