Poet Authority Poem Terminal

Cumslap caught a waft of some exciting news
The lads were leaking and coughing it up all over his puriri boxes
He dusted off the Ray-Bans and trusty white cane and slapped his AA Road Atlas of Great Britain on the kitchen table
He whipped out a pink highlighter and started marking new routes to travel as he planned another holiday

"See you in a few seconds lads!" Cumslap hopped into his time traveller and dialled in a few weeks ago
His minions looked on as the device flickered in and out of existence
Cumslap zapped into the past and began carving his name across as many walls as he could find
The minions rubbed their eyes and fondled the divots in the walls
They couldn't believe what they were seeing!
"cumslap woz ere" suddenly started appearing all around them
Later this might seem like a bit of a tactical error
But for right now Cumslap was loving it

Cumslap carved through the wave of journos towards his motor
"You know, you're the real problem around here!"
His face folded through a series of expressions as he tried to squeeze out some concern
Cumslap shovelled the loved ones into the vehicle and unfurled a lengthy white cane
He flopped the extension out the window and tapped away at the road before soaring off in search of a birthday
Groovy followed in convoy, peeling off his specs and lobbing them out the window
He felt liberated

Cumslap couldn't get enough of the wind on his crimson dome
"Would you please stop doing that sir?"
Cumslap's ABBA cassette rolled through the stereo and spilled from the speakers, he seemed oblivious to the remarks
"Sorry it's just that well, we were talking and well, we don't think it's a particularly good look, you know?"
Cumslap arched over his map of the British road network and fondled his rippled scalp
"Two hundred and fifty thousand miles of road lads" Cumslap shoved his Ray-Bans up his beak "what a beaut"

Cumslap's aerodynamic dome blasted through the countryside
The child took too much effort to handle alone and still couldn't be shipped off to prison
His wife's inefficient locks fluttered in the wind
He detested the whole situation
He wheezed with rage all over the roads and trees and family and northerners