Poet Authority Poem Terminal

The nerds arrived.
Played their games again.
Imagined their filthy dungeons.
Rolled their eccentric dice.
Did too much maths.

Doug replaced his friends.
He was sick of having to remember all of their birthdays.
He placed an ad in the local paper,
"Looking for new friends. MUST be born on 11th Nov."
Doug waited for the calls to roll in.

Holly ordered in a loaf of Hovis and a block of cheddar and some wafer thin ham
She practised for the big day by picnicking next to the apartment window and lobbing sandwiches onto distant plates
Her blanket had been quartered and she memorised the distance between each segment
She basked in the rays beneath a gaping window and encouraged the flies to join her sandwiches
As the sun passed overhead she hauled the severed blanket to the other end of her apartment and prepared to do it all again

Bertie took to hanging shopping bags in his doorways and sat waiting for them to billow
He hoped to catch some ghosts
It would be nice to have some new friends around the house

Fudge roamed his house tugging mirrors off the walls
Even that little one in the bathroom had been dismantled
His arms were heavy with mirrors as he waddled to the kitchen
Each of them was placed in their very own dining chair and given a bib and name tag
He slopped up some dinner and held some rather indulgent conversations

An astronaut was encountering so many aliens he had to start giving them all nicknames
There was beaky, slaphead, tubs, fatso, and lardarse
He was pleased so many aliens were rotund, it helped with his lack of imagination
The astronaut thought it was hilarious
That was until the aliens started learning English
He noticed they were beginning to treat him differently at monthly meet ups and things