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Showing posts with the label Self Improvement

Sandpaper

A man grabbed two fistfuls of sand and massaged them into his hair and face and chest.
"I want to be sandpaper"
He slathered his back and stared at the bottle.
"I want to be sandpaper" a third time "I want to be sandpaper!"
It was at that moment that he did not turn into sandpaper.
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Moustache

A man sat twiddling his thumbs as he waited for his moustache to grow.
His thumbs got tangled in his moustache.
He was very good at growing his moustache.
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Stop

Barry stares at his timepiece (watch) for what feels like a good 30 seconds.
"Yes" he squeals "I've finally done it!"
He strips right down to the flesh and blasts off on a nudie run.
Things are flapping about everywhere.
He returns home ashamed and clutching a new battery.
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Print

A man sits in front of the photocopier.
He calls himself Print Master.
He won't let anyone copy anything unless they call him Print Master too.
Their hands would be slapped away if they try to touch the buttons.
He was proud of his title.
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Weight

A girthy person switched their scales to a unit they didn't understand.
They felt much better about themselves.
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Optimise

He applied toothpaste to his brush before bed.
He was really starting to optimise his life.
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