Poet Authority Poem Terminal

A group of superheroes booked some time off.
Their bus slipped off an icy road and rattled down a mountain.
They all refused to do anything to resolve the situation, what with it being their holiday.
The invulnerable one laughed, which really bothered the vulnerable ones.
One of the superheroes eventually gave in and started unpacking his cape.
He lacked the super speed ability.
By the time he'd pinned the thing on he found himself in a crumpled wreckage.
Skis snapped, holiday ruined.

An astronaut couldn't find the keys to his spaceship.
NASA's science people were so focused on counting down they didn't notice him trying to pry the door open.
They got to zero and there he was, still standing on the platform.
Fully decked out in his spacefaring gear too.
It looked set to be a humiliating trudge back to the office.

I joined the Red Arrows
Told them I was a pilot of some repute
They trusted me, didn't even do any checks!
I was horribly out of sync
I felt guilty when their displays suffered and I broke their planes trying to land

The mountain climber climbed a mountain
He was very tired and the air was very thin
He missed the thickness of the air below
The comfortable beds and the easily navigable inclines

Pedro rode his bike
Showed off in front of practising children
Middle fingers aloft

Cumslap caught a waft of some exciting news
The lads were leaking and coughing it up all over his puriri boxes
He dusted off the Ray-Bans and trusty white cane and slapped his AA Road Atlas of Great Britain on the kitchen table
He whipped out a pink highlighter and started marking new routes to travel as he planned another holiday

Rory Mints ordered a bunch of baguettes and croissants and laid them throughout the house.
He insisted his housemates wear berets and speak with French accents.
He pressed his face against printouts of French countryside and admired the views.

Cumslap carved through the wave of journos towards his motor
"You know, you're the real problem around here!"
His face folded through a series of expressions as he tried to squeeze out some concern
Cumslap shovelled the loved ones into the vehicle and unfurled a lengthy white cane
He flopped the extension out the window and tapped away at the road before soaring off in search of a birthday
Groovy followed in convoy, peeling off his specs and lobbing them out the window
He felt liberated

Cumslap couldn't get enough of the wind on his crimson dome
"Would you please stop doing that sir?"
Cumslap's ABBA cassette rolled through the stereo and spilled from the speakers, he seemed oblivious to the remarks
"Sorry it's just that well, we were talking and well, we don't think it's a particularly good look, you know?"
Cumslap arched over his map of the British road network and fondled his rippled scalp
"Two hundred and fifty thousand miles of road lads" Cumslap shoved his Ray-Bans up his beak "what a beaut"

Cumslap's aerodynamic dome blasted through the countryside
The child took too much effort to handle alone and still couldn't be shipped off to prison
His wife's inefficient locks fluttered in the wind
He detested the whole situation
He wheezed with rage all over the roads and trees and family and northerners

Vivian and Colbert took a trip to the docks

There was rope everywhere

Memories rekindled brought awkward knowing glances

Colbert tried to keep his head down

The docks were his idea

It wasn't one of his best

Santa ordered several gallons of chicken madras the night before the big trip

He fed it to all the reindeer hoping for a little extra propulsion

Blitzen seemed reluctant at first but soon tucked in following a reassuring nod from one of the other reindeer

The barn's air turned rancid

Santa packed his condoms and a spare pair of underwear

He kissed Mrs Claus goodbye and set off into the night

She was pleased to get him out of the house

She hoped he wouldn't bring home any extra surprises this year

The men spent a good quarter of an hour inflating their hot air balloon
They had equipped each side of the basket with telescopes and little bells to alert attention of the other chaps
As they floated up they hooked their eyes into the telescopes and conversed between balloon parps
"Any blouses on your side mate?"
The boys were drifting above Bolton scouting for blouses and other loose fitting clothes
"None here mate"
The conversation continued, as they do
They begin to realise that the several month delay to their project had ruined their plan entirely

The motorcyclist was always an advocate for wearing helmets.
He chuckled in his helmet as he sped about the winding country roads.
His helmet fell off!
He thought it would be best to steer into a tree.
That should prove his point.

She climbed to the top of the mountain.
Breathed the fresh mountainy air.
Then gazed upon the journey back down.
She hacked her legs off with a shovel and called mountain rescue.

Damp by a road in Japan,