Posts

Crisis

Brian bought two cars.
To prove to his ex-wife things were going fine, actually.
He drove to her house.
Sat one of his kids in the car.
Got the bus back and picked up his other car.
Put another child in there.
And repeated the bus ordeal to get home.
This was interspersed with his ex-wife pointing out he shouldn't leave children alone in cars.
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Volvo

Martin cleaned up his act.
Susan hated the new him.
Sitting in the Volvo did nothing for her.
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Tom Hanks Visits McDonald's

Tom Hanks forgot he was an actor.
He went to work at McDonald's.
He was looking like an amateur in there.
Cheese upside down, fries in burger boxes, that sort of thing.
The manager had to take him aside.
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Deal

Thomas worked with mice.
He trained them to gather cheese.
In return he offered lodgings.
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The Connection

Teddy dropped a banana.
Later Alice slipped on it.
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Wheels

Jeremy dreamed of becoming a car.
He ordered some wheels off Amazon or Zavvi or Argos or something like that.
He'd wear the wheels as shoes and gloves.
Figure out the rest from there.
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Transform

Maurice pressed the big 'transform' button in his new truck.
He got mangled in the mechanisms.
The robot scooped him out of his chest and apologised to the remaining family members.
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Gravity

Willis glued himself to the ceiling.
He recorded videos while dangling up there.
Made bold claims about gravity being backwards in his house.
He started to feel very dizzy.
And very hungry.
He couldn't answer the door when food deliveries arrived.
The glue wouldn't give way.
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Penguin

Pingo told a story about how he used to be a penguin.
He stood up and did the walk.
Cracked a few jokes that were apparently common with their kind.
It was all very convincing.
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Skateboard

Terry Buzzard got himself a skateboard.
He had a go on the big rampy bits.
It was there his legs came loose.
His wrists too.
At least he'd get some new teeth from whole ordeal.
That was something to look forward to.
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Go Time

Holly practised listening for the doorbell.
She practised answering it too.
She practised setting the table.
And rushing to clean the house.
It was almost go time.
She would be prepared.
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My Cat

My cat ate itself.
I looked at where it once sat.
Remained Perplexed.
How did it manage the teeth?
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Italian

Giuseppe informed everyone he was an Italian.
He stole frozen pizzas from Sainsbury's.
Staff tried to interrupt but he insisted they belong to his people.
When he got home his wife called him Gary, and, quite frankly, ruined his day.
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Robot People

Some robot people tried to act like normal people.
Their motors whirred and their joints creaked and their heavy feet clanked against the pavement.
They had major issues navigating stairs too.
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Nostrils

Woody tugged all the hairs from his nostrils.
The result was smooth pickings for a few days.
But was that really worth the forty years of sneezing and mopping eyes?
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Hugging Stations

The whole lot reopened.
Everyone catapulted themselves to the nearest gathering hubs.
They bathed in an infectious haze.
All started licking each other too.
Boris Johnson spawned the following day.
He clambered up to his podium, gave his shocked face a punt, and told everyone off.
From then on people were ordered to cart around giant perspex screens.
Holes were carved into them.
Rubber gauntlets hung from either side.
Safe hugging ensued.
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Blow

Sandra sucked off David.
It seemed like a good way to avoid engaging in his conversations.
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Sink

James fell in love with his sink.
Well, by this point he had just pumped so much into it, I suppose.
He pawed at the faucet.
Leaned back and admired the curves of the waste pipe.
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The Reopening of Primark

Henry stood outside Primark.
78th in line by his count.
He unhooked his mask.
Breathed in some essential coffee with the fellow liners.
Snow slapped against his arse.
His clothes ran out over a month ago.
This was an emergency.
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Tangled

Spider-Man was flinging webs all over the shop.
Eventually got himself tangled up.
Green Goblin cackled like a crow.
Spider-Man assumed it was at the current predicament.
It's possible he was laughing at something else entirely.
It was hard to tell with that guy.
Batman sympathised.
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