Poet Authority Poem Terminal

After months of Zooming Reginald and Delia finally went on their date.
Reginald had knocked up a couple of sticks to help with the distancing.
He'd stuck hooks on the ends and used them to release Delia's coat from her shoulders.
He pulled out Delia's chair with his hooksticks and knocked her back in place like a snooker ball.
He edged his way around the table pressing hard against the wall.
The ambience of the restaurant and the giant void between them made conversing difficult.
They screamed pleasantries and mimed rain and stuff like that.

Beefy extended his novelty fork the full two metres and hooked a slab of meat off the barbecue.
He glanced over the cow and prepared for the big count.
There was Chopsy, Hunk, Nugget, Mincer, Leggers, and of course his very own Beefy.
Six! Beefy sighed with relief, the barbecue was in accordance with government guidelines and he was perfectly safe.
"Wait a minute, who the hell is that?!" Beefy extended his fork at the mystery person.
The stranger gnawed a gob of meat off Beefy's slab and gave him a little wink.
The meat oozed down the stranger's tracksuit and misted up his Ray-Bans.

Wafer prised himself from between the arm rests and squeezed down the stairway
The cake filled oven cried as he scrambled towards it
He heaved his latest creation onto the table and plunged his face deep into the sponge
He gnawed away until his teeth scraped against the bottom of the pan and he sucked up the remnants
Judging all of the measurements by eye Wafer quickly threw together another
With the fresh mix in the oven he worked his way back to the Zoomers
The stairs creaked as he clambered back up to his desk
He struggled with packing himself into the webcam's shot

Holly ordered in a loaf of Hovis and a block of cheddar and some wafer thin ham
She practised for the big day by picnicking next to the apartment window and lobbing sandwiches onto distant plates
Her blanket had been quartered and she memorised the distance between each segment
She basked in the rays beneath a gaping window and encouraged the flies to join her sandwiches
As the sun passed overhead she hauled the severed blanket to the other end of her apartment and prepared to do it all again

Things between Mindy and Findy were going quite well
That was until Findy ate so much chocolate that he turned into a full size chocolate man
He couldn't work out how it happened
The science of it all quickly became irrelevant and he just had to accept he was made out of chocolate now
When he broke the news to Mindy she was understandably shocked
Sucking the tears back into her eye holes she held her arms out wide
Findy stepped into them and Mindy squeezed him tight
Unfortunately Mindy's abnormally high body temperature melted Findy into a brown glob
It was just one piece of bad news after another for Mindy

Robert heard tales of Smarties inside his easter egg
He sat on it and tried to make it hatch
The chocolate melted into his crevices
He was a mess

Fudge roamed his house tugging mirrors off the walls
Even that little one in the bathroom had been dismantled
His arms were heavy with mirrors as he waddled to the kitchen
Each of them was placed in their very own dining chair and given a bib and name tag
He slopped up some dinner and held some rather indulgent conversations

Angus Walker sat watching programmes about farming
The possibilities were causing a stir
He slapped on his hiking boots and charged around the house
The plastic cows once dotted throughout were now herded onto the kitchen counter
He tugged a carving knife off a questionably secured magnetic strip and hacked away
Desperate to retrieve the steaks within

Angus Walker thought about the pizzas he'd buy on the way home
He looked awfully glum as he ordered one instead
The delivery driver was instructed to shove it through the letterbox
The flap scraped the topping off!
Angus spent about an hour retrieving dollops of meat and cheese with a butter knife

Colbert carried a sausage filled plate to the bedroom and rejoined Vivian

She would have preferred a bit more variety but kept it to herself

Every bite she took was followed by a "phwoooar" from Colbert

He stared intently trying to work out if Vivian was picking up on his latest hints

After a good night's sleep Colbert untied Vivian

He replaced her drool sodden pillow and roamed naked towards the kitchen

Colbert dug a pack of Cumberlands from the fridge and dumped them into a frying pan

He looked down and chuckled at the thought of potential mishaps

She asked if he knew what day it was

"Friday"

He burrowed deeper into a heart shaped box of chocolates

Kipling finally set up his tree and informed friends Christmas celebrations were set to begin

He insisted they bring gifts and a pre-cooked turkey

The rest of the trimmings would be appreciated too

"It's the fourth of Febbo Kippers, I'm not doing it"

"None of us are, we've moved on mate" messaging continued in the group chat

Kipling's attempts at being a contrarian didn't appear to be paying off

He wafts into the nearby bakery after admiring their islands of bread

A woman behind the counter greets him with upturned lips that glisten beneath the low light

He takes the time to admire her islands too

He grabs several loaves of bread and begins to rend them asunder

Dolloping out an elaborate message of love on the crimson tiled floor

She watches as he then takes a sausage roll and begins to make suggestive motions with it

Finally he stands over his message with his arms spread and crumbs tumbling from his raincoat

"Well?" he stands proudly

"You realise you've got to pay for all of that, right?" she replied

His heart sank into his loafers and his body fell onto the bed of bread words

He spent about an hour unwrapping all of the chocolates in his tin

He even threw away the little paper guide

There were some concerns about his nut allergy

It was evident by the way he fumbled and began to sweat as he took a bite

But he was really invested in this plan

The mystery and the thrill of it all

He tilted his head all the way back and lowered the comically shaped sausage into his gaping gullet

He swallowed the whole thing without chewing!

He sat up straight and began to rub his nipples with greasy fingers